crowbelle's Diaryland Diary
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Daddy
DADDY
I've been thinking today about my Dad -- "Daddy" as we always used to call him. It's Father's Day, and I have not had a (living) father since 1978, which is a very long time ago, it seems.
Daddy's name was Reese. An unusual name back when we were kids, although these days I see more and more Reese's around, even females! But he was the only Reese I'd EVER known growing up. I did meet a Salem boy in high school, called Bob Reese, on whom I had a crush for a while, but I think it may have been because of his name...not him.
And I never got to say goodbye to Daddy, either.
He passed one day when he was home alone. I was grown, and had been married and divorced by then. I was living on my own in Salem in a tiny 2 room apartment. It was Washington's Birthday, the Monday we all had off from work. February 20, 1978.
My sister, who lived at home still, and our Mum, and my sister's friend, Lori, had all gone out shopping together to the Washington's Birthday sales for the day. It was also the winter of the Blizzard of '78.
Daddy was 76 years old then. He had had a heart attack before that, had angina, and had to take his "nitro" pills whenever he got chest pains. He was retired, too, and was at home a lot. My Mum worked full time.
I was out all that day too, with friends. When I came home, around suppertime, my phone was ringing off the hook...it was my brother on the other end of the line, saying "Rebecca! Your Papa is dead!"
I almost had a heart attack then and there! I couldn't believe it, nor could anyone else! Even though Daddy was not a young man, and even though he'd had medical problems, we just never thought he would ever NOT be in our lives!
I still miss him very, very much.
When my sister and mother and Lori came home from shopping, he wasn't in the house. Snow was piled high everywhere. They ran outside, and my 16 year old sister found him by the back bulkhead. She said he was still warm. But he had already gone. He had been trying to get some more snow moved away from the bulkhead to the basement in case of an emergency...
No hugs....
No kisses...of which he had many for us...
[Daddy, I know you are still here around me, 'cause I feel your presence all the time. And even though I can't touch you, I know you are here, and I love you, and know you still love me, and all of us.]
I guess sometimes saying "goodbye" is not appropriate...and I often think that goodbye is too final, when I firmly believe in Life after Life, and that to say goodbye to him would have been the wrong word...
I guess "I'll see you down the road" might have been better...if only I'd had the chance to say it to him.
[Daddy, I'll see you down the road someday.... I love you.]
8:22 pm - 15 June 2003
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