Thoughts from Crow Cottage (My Main Blog.)

crowbelle's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE LOW-DOWN

THE LOW-DOWN

To Whom It May Concern:

We are writing to inform you that the results of your recent MR imaging study of your right knee were undeniably not so great. You have a crappy knee, let's face it. You are way too fat, thus putting lots of unwanted pressure on your poor god-given knee joint, and you abused your right knee (and more than likely your left knee, as well) all those years with all that jogging, bounding around, walking endlessly, and stomping up and down stairs all the time. It's given out, you see... and it's just about dead.

IMPRESSION:
1. Advanced, "end-stage" (what we like to call "bone-on-bone" for all you lay-people out there) osteoarthritis, right knee (and probably of every other joint in your pathetic, decrepit body, too!)

2. Right patella (kneecap) is displaced out of its trochlear groove (cradle it sits in) over to the right. (If you had had this study 40 years ago, the doctor could maybe have fixed it - moved it back over to its normal position in the center, but it's too late now, bub!).

PLAN: You have three choices.

1. Go for physical therapy sessions and see if it eases any of your pain (or it may cause you even more pain - we can't be sure). If no better after a while of stretching and pulling and prodding and exercising, then go to step #2.

2. Get injections into your knee. Yes it may hurt (you little wimp - of COURSE it will hurt! You think having a gigantic needle shoved into your sensitive joint won't hurt? You're delusional). You can get either:

a) Injection of some sort of oil (we'll enclose literature on these products - just pray your insurance carrier will pay for this because you'll need to mortgage your house to pay for it yourself), or

b) Injection of cortisone (which is faster acting).

These injections will happen once a week for 3 to 5 weeks, and the effects may last for 6 to 9 months, and then you have to keep coming back for more of this torture. See? We've got you now!

If Step #2 fails completely and you are still insistent on living without leg and knee pain, well there's always step #3.

3. Knee replacement surgery. And you just KNOW what that involves, don't you? Your life will never be the same again.

Thank you for choosing us as your orthopedic provider, Mrs. C. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact us. But no more whining, please, about whether or not things will hurt. You are a physical wreck after 58 years of abusing your (originally) perfect body... it's all your fault and all we can do for you is try to patch it up as best we can. We are not God... so live with it!

Very sincerely yours,

The Orthopedic Doctors & Cohorts


So that's about it. I am on the road to step #1. I have my first physical therapy session scheduled for next Friday morning, bright and early. And the fun begins all over again.

Cheers/Jeers,

Bex

6:38 am - 09 September 2006

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

go back ~ leave a note ~ go forward

latest entry

about me

archives

leave a note

DiaryLand

contact

random entry

other diaries:

scullerymaid
thecrankyone
author1981
chakra-nadi
ottodixless
eatmorepizza
bluejeans-uk
muffinhead
dangerspouse
wordsofmine
newschick
essaywriter
justmouse
la-the-sage
annanotbob2