Thoughts from Crow Cottage (My Main Blog.)

crowbelle's Diaryland Diary

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Sliding Down That Slippery Slope

SLIDING DOWN THAT SLIPPERY SLOPE

Where have all my good intentions gone? I don't know. I don't see them anywhere.

A year ago March, I started a low-bad-carb diet and it really worked well for me. Now that I'm only a couple of years shy of 60, my body naturally is reacting differently to dieting than it did when I was a young thing. It likes to stay put, for the most part. Not wanting to change, I guess, and fighting me every millimeter of the way.

For some reason, I stayed on that low-bad-carb diet for a long time, nearly a year. I lost a total of 24 pounds (I don't know how many "stone" that is in the UK) and the biggest high of all was one night when I was making dinner, and Paul was sitting on the sofa watching me go back and forth in the kitchen, and he commented that he really could see that I was losing the weight now.

That felt so good, because Paul doesn't usually comment about anything like that. He says very little, and what he does say he thinks about for days at time. Anyway, to have him say that, made me feel really good.

So why have I sabotaged all that hard work?

Over the last several months, I have beeng sliding down that slippery slope of eating all the wrong foods again. And I probably have gained a goodly portion of those 24 pounds back that it took me so long to shed. I am mortified with myself. Not to mention in pain!

I'm starting to wonder if my current pains are the result of that chocolate birthday cake! I ate an awful lot of it (it's gone now thank-gawd) but it had to have affected me in negative ways. I am also back to eating all the bad-carb foods that I'd given up, too. Like potatoes (oh yeah, baby) and peas, and carrots, foods with flour (bread!) and now even sugar. I have to admit I've had a few Lindt chocolate bars in the recent past... what's up with this chocolate craving anyway? I'm long past menopause, so I can't blame it on hormones, or maybe I can...being a lack of hormones or something?

And now I have cookies in the house. Another big mistake, but I can't stop eating them. They are not real sweet cookies. I get them in the Italian speciality aisle of the supermarket - you know, those weird kind of cookies in crinkly see-thru bags that are hard/crunchy from double baking apparently? I love 'em! I've taken to having one or three with my tea in the morning... or, even worse, with my hot cocoa!

That's another thing I've been doing that's NOT a good thing... having that hot cocoa (or hot chocolate) that you just add hot water to, probably filled with the dreaded sugar, too. On the cool mornings, that has been hitting the spot... not to mention probably zipping me up with the caffeine in it? I haven't read the label - another big mistake.

And here I gave up caffeine on my diet before, and now I am back into it with various foods. Like chocolate!

And tea! I just caved yesterday at the food store and bought two boxes of my very favourite tea in the world - Yorkshire Tea - one box of Yorkshire Gold and one box of Yorkshire Green Tea. They both contain caffeine. I am currently having my second cup in two days. With cookies!

Oh woe is me.

And last week I developed a problem wtih my right leg. I'm sure it all relates back to my bad eating habits of late, but it's absolutely killing me... and just when I think it's ebbing, I go out and do something dumb like mowing the whole large front lawn - with a mower that is old and not self-propelled... but rather "Rebecca-propelled." I have done this two Saturdays in a row now and each time my leg/knee has been hurting again with a vengeance. I haven't been able to sleep because of it, either.

Of course, I would never consider going to a doctor, so save your breath there.

I guess the only positive thing I could do for myself now would be to cut out the crap-foods - all the sugar, caffeine, and bad (high starch) carbs I've been having. But how?

I am so weak.

Weak-as-water (as the Brits would say).

Over-the-counter pain meds like Tyelnol Arthritis, Motrin, Aleve, and even the occasional Advil - have all become my best friends.

It's pathetic.

Well, just wanted to rant about that... I wish my leg would just feel better so I could go about my life normally - whatever "normal" is. I need to type all day today, since I took yesterday off from typing completely. And I have the rest of my cup of Yorkshire tea and one cookie left here to devour before heading up to the computer, where, no doubt, my leg will throb because it's the leg I use for the foot pedal in transcribing.

I guess, though, if these are my biggest worries, I'm still lucky. I hear the news on BBC World News on the radio each night (while I am lying awake all night because of my leg pain) and the other side of this globe is not a pretty place for living anymore, and my heart breaks for all those innocents who were born in the wrong place at the wrong time.

If anyone has any sure-fire tips on how to get back on track in the food department, I am taking suggestions. Otherwise, now that I've spilled my guts out to you, my readers, maybe that will get me motivated to change.

Olive? I need your help again.

Are you reading this?

Cheers,

Bex

6:23 am - 07 May 2006

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